The Curative Effects of Snack Vending Machines

soda vending machine“My head hurts. Do you have any Advil?”

“No, sorry. Drink some coffee.”

“I can’t. I gave up coffee for the New Year. And why would I drink coffee anyway?”

“Because it has caffeine. And caffeine can quash a headache.”


“Yeah. You should go get a Coke from the soda vending machine if you can’t drink coffee.”

“That’s a good idea.”

Ten minutes later…

“Man that Coke was good. Thanks for telling me to go get it. I can’t believe how effective it was at ridding my headache. If only there were quick fixes like that for all bodily ailments.”

“Ha, like what if Snickers cured heartburn?”

“Or potato chips cured hemmorhoids?”

“Or peanuts fixed hair loss?”

“Or cheese crackers removed warts?”

“Or BabyRuths cured ingrown hairs?”

“Or Cheetos cured gangrene?”

“Or Combos resolved nausea?”

“Or Nutra-Grain bars healed scabs?”

“They do.”





They wipe tears from their eyes.

“All this talk about snack vending machines is making me hungry.”

“Go get some Tootsie Rolls, I hear they’re really great for enhancing concentration.”

“Yeah, right. When I need concentration, I’ll drink coffee. I don’t have any weird new year’s resolutions.”

“Whatever. Hey since you’re going down would you mind getting me another Coke? I still feel a little bit of that headache.”